Shikamaru's Wife
by imiwayume
Summary: Tsunade's money was on the line; Shikamaru had better not mess this one up.
1. Chapter 1

**_Shikamaru's Wife_**

By: Yumi

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. I don't even own the manga. Or those pin things. Not even a _sticker. That's_ how little I own.

* * *

_What the hell?_

Shikamaru looked shocked. As in very shocked. Very, _very _unpleasantly shocked. Why?

Possibly because he was.

So shocked, he couldn't even mutter his trademark "troublesome." He was left utterly speechless, stunned as one would have it, his body completely rigid from mental overload.

Well, what do you know? Who would have guessed that the lazy kid had the attention span to even _look_ shocked, no less _act_ it.

Tsunade felt rather smug at the moment. She had managed to shock the indolent Nara kid. Looked like the plan was going better than expected.

She cleared her throat loudly. Some sense of composure seemed to have returned to the kid and Tsunade continued explaining the "situation" to him.

"As I was saying," Tsunade started, noting with satisfaction that the boy hadn't moved an inch. "Your mission is to pretend to be her son-in-law. She has an incredible amount of land and money at stake. Her village is governed by old rules and traditions, and unless she has a son or a son-in-law, she will be unable to inherit any of his deceased husband's property. She is concerned that her late husband's young brother will take everything, and rightfully so, so she has asked for our assistance."

"But, Hokage sama," Shikamaru said respectfully, despite his inner turmoil, "You said she's living by herself. I'm not being hasty in assuming she has no daughter, am I correct?"

"No, you weren't be hasty," Tsunade drawled out slowly and then grinned, "but you're also not correct. Our client has a daughter, one close to your age, actually."

"Why is she living alone then?"

"Her daughter was weak since birth and was sent to another village to live in since the climate was unfavorable for her health."

"So you want me to pick her up, act as her husband, and help our client get her share of the heritage?"

"Not exactly." Tsunade was starting to feel that this was one of her more ingenious schemes. "Her daughter is very weak. So weak, in fact, she cannot leave her bed. It's not something that can be healed, otherwise it would have already been done. It would be impossible for her 'happily walk in' to the family reunion with her husband. There is no possible way to convince the village elderly that a girl as sick as her would be able to marry and possibly conceive in the coming years."

"Conceive?" Shikamaru echoed weakly. He didn't like where this was going.

"Well, yes." Tsunade blinked innocently. Shikamaru scowled. "The only way our client can get her hands on any of the property is if her daughter has a child…or will give birth to one. All that matters is if the woman is fertile, as to pass on the family blood."

Shikamaru's logical mind kicked in. "That's a problem. If her daughter can barely get up from the bed, there is no way for her to have a child. There's no way I can 'borrow' a child and let her pretend to be the mother. She's so weak, it's as good as stamping "I am lying' on our heads. She can't pull it off."

"No, she cannot. That's where you come in."

"Me?"

"Yes, you. You will have a partner for this mission. She will pose as our client's daughter and return to her supposed birth village with you, claiming that she is all well and has a unborn child in her womb. A few weeks old is enough, no need to make it too big."

"It won't work, Tsunade sama." Shikamaru was besides himself. "Wouldn't it be strange that her daughter just _suddenly_ got better, married, and got pregnant? What about the original daughter? What do we do with her?"

Tsunade raised an eyebrow. "Look, kiddo, I already assigned you the job. How you go about doing it is your problem. You're a jounin, don't start complaining like an genin."

"Tsunade sama," Shikamaru sighed, "Like you said, I'm a jounin. This job is ridiculous."

"I'll decide what is important, Nara." Tsunade took a swing at her sake. Ah, there, better. "Don't be such a spoiled brat. I'm feeling generous, I'll even let you pick your partner."

"Tsunade sama, the problem isn't really who I pick. How am I supposed to find a pregnant kunoichi? Do we even have any of those around? They'll have her condition checked with a doctor for sure." Shikamaru scratched his head. This was so damn troublesome.

And as fate would have it, the ever so sagely Hokage decided it was another one of those things he would have to figure out himself.

Shrugging, Tsunade cast the disgruntled and slightly distressed Nara one more glance before kicking him out of the room.

"You're a smart kid. You'll find an _appropriate_ person."

He had better, she thought expectantly. Her money was on the line.

* * *

Nara Shikamaru was a very smart kid. Very smart. He was also very calm. His intelligence, paired with his infinite patience and ability to remain calm, made him a formidable enemy. He was, very much so, a planning extraordinaire.

But how do you plan for something completely ridiculous?

Planning to retrieve one Uchiha Sasuke with four other genin, okay. Planning a fighting strategy against an Akatsuki member, okay. Planning a best man's speech for the wedding of Chouji and Ino, pushing it, but okay.

But planning how to be someone's son-in-law? Find someone to be his wife? His pregnant wife? Not okay. It was one of those "not-okay"s that was really _not_ _okay_. He didn't know what he did to deserve this. In theory, it might be do-able…but he wasn't very happy about the prospect of finding a kunoichi and figuring out what the hell he could do.

He supposed the logical thing to do first would be to consider his list of possible candidates. Who was pregnant in that list again?

No one.

Oh, well, that was fast. He was back on square one.

Did Tsunade sama expect him to get some poor girl pregnant? He shuddered.

Wait a second…

Shikamaru scowled. The Hokage said something about him being smart….him finding someone _appropriate_. He gritted his teeth together in annoyance. He should have suspected it sooner. The Hokage clearly had someone appropriate in mind but wasn't telling him. But why would she do that?

Running through his list again, he couldn't come up with a single person who was pregnant. In any case, he reflected, bringing a newly pregnant woman into a mission was not very favorable. Not that he was sexist, but if anything were to happen during the mission that risked her or her baby's life, Shikamaru wouldn't know what to do. If he could, he rather bring someone without the "buy-one-get-one-free" tag on her.

But how do you convince a doctor that someone was pregnant when she clearly wasn't? It really wasn't something that could be _faked_…could it? Shikamaru jerked his head when the missing pieces fell into place.

That was it. Tsunade sama wanted Shikamaru to bring a medic with him. A medic would surely be able to fool a common doctor into thinking she was pregnant. He didn't know how it would work, but he was sure the medic would.

Medic?

Shikamaru's eyes narrowed. When it came to skill and familiarity, only one person came into mind.

He sighed, tiredly acknowledging that his life just got a lot more troublesome.

* * *

Satisfied with her handiwork, Sakura took the tray of test tubs and pushed them into the distilling unit. She cleared her area and after making sure everything was in place, she flicked the light switch and stepped out of the room. Mildly aware of how late it was, Sakura decided that she would head home and have a quiet dinner alone. She loved company, but tonight she was tired and wanted to snuggle in her bed with a nice cup of hot cocoa.

Sakura quickly stripped off her lab jacket once she reached her office, and locked the door with a small 'click.' The junior medics and nurses wished her goodnight, and she waved happily at them before she made her exit. That was, until something stopped her.

"Shikamaru?"

The man in question straightened from his sluggish posture, just slightly, and nodded his head. "Hey, Sakura."

Grinning, Sakura made her way towards the lazy man. "Don't tell me Ino beat you into a pulp again?"

Shikamaru sighed. That was something he didn't want to remember. "No."

"Oh?" Sakura started walking out the hospital, noting that her companion was following her. "Don't tell me you were waiting for me, Shikamaru."

"As a matter of fact, I was."

Not stopping, Sakura looked at Shikamaru curiously. Over the years, they became good friends. The rookie nine all became a close knit bunch, and Sakura found Shikamaru to be particularly easy to talk to. He seemed to like her company too, stating out of the blue, once, that she was a good shougi opponent. She had yet to beat the genius in the game, yet, but she knew she did give the man a run for his money at times. Both intelligent people, they became each other's easy company.

So it wasn't a surprise for him to look for her. Perhaps for some tea and game of shougi…but at night? That seemed a little weird.

Sakura frowned. "Are you injured?"

Shikamaru shook his head in the negative.

"Then what's up?"

Damn. There was no way he could fool Sakura into this. She was too cunning and calculative, which was a good, respectable thing on a normal basis, but not when he was put in this situation. Sakura was known as the lab-bug, for a reason. She hardly left the lab or the hospital, only taking missions that would likely require a high level medic nin. Her field practice, nowadays, came largely from sparring with her teammates and her teachers. He had a feeling Sakura wouldn't appreciate being dragged out on a mission that had the sole objective of _lying_. To be someone's daughter and wife. And pregnant, to top it all off.

He sighed again. Thinking how troublesome life really was.

"Shikamaru?"

He came out of his daze. "Sakura, I have a favor to ask you."

She didn't like his tone, but was willing to help him nonetheless. He had given his all, trying to bring back Sasuke back to Konoha years ago, and if only for that, Sakura was willing to do something for him in return.

"Stop stalling and come out with it already." Sakura laughed.

_Well, at least she seems to be in a compliant mood._

"I want you to come on a mission with me, as my partner."

Sakura's eyes rounded a bit before smiling at her friend. "Is that what you got all worked up for? Jeez, Shikamaru, I thought it was going to be something bad. It has been a while since I had a mission, but I'm not rusty. I'm up for it. What does it entail?"

Shikamaru looked up at the starry skies, hoping for some divine intervention that would spare him from what he had to do next.

When no such help came, he explained, "I need you to pretend to be someone's daughter."

Nod.

"I'll pretend to be your husband."

Slow nod.

"And you need to be pregnant."

Sakura stopped walking.

* * *

Note: This was meant to be humorous. I always found Shikamaru to be charming--lazy and intellectual has always been the winning combination, at least to me. Anyway, I thought I needed something light after writing something heavy. I'm contemplating leaving this as a one shot. It could possibly turn out to be longer, but stopping here doesn't really irk me. I'll see, maybe depending on feedback. Reviews are always appreciated; nonsensical rants will be filed for my amusement; anything not pertaining to the story will be left alone. I'm zen like that. Thanks for reading.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Shikamaru's Wife_**

By: Yumi

**Dedicated to:** Everyone who cared to stop and say hello last chapter. Thank you, all. And, especially to 'Nine Tail Fox'--because you offered to buy me a sticker _and _a pin. Now, that's just ridiculously sweet.

* * *

Sakura was staring at him rather intensely. Was that a look of surprise? Oh, now she was narrowing her eyes. She's blinking…oh, another blink.

Shikamaru cleared his throat uncomfortably. Perhaps he needed to clarify. "Um, Sakura, I mean that you don't have to be pregnant. You just have to act it…and convince a village doctor that you are, somehow."

Sakura still wasn't saying anything. She was still looking at him with those unreadable eyes. She looked almost contemplative.

Shikamaru was starting to feel distressed.

Slowly, almost deliberately, Sakura's lips curled up in a grin. A…mischievous grin?

"Sure, no problem."

Shikamaru was shocked. Again. Twice in one day, he inwardly mused.

Watching Sakura wave a concerned hand in front of his stunned face, Shikamaru reflected on a newly acquired tidbit of knowledge: feeling shocked was really, really troublesome.

* * *

Tsunade was counting her bills. She grimaced.

_My poor babies…_

Head snapping to the source of a low chuckle and twinkling eyes, Tsunade growled as she practically threw her beloved towards the insufferable man.

"Now, now, don't be such a poor sport."

Tsunade was livid. "_Poor_ _sport_?"

Jiraiya was having a field day. "Come on, I won fair and square, and you know it."

Crushing the desk with her death clutch, Tsunade swung her chair to the side and kicked her trash bin towards Jiraiya. "You _cheated_."

"No, I didn't." He smirked his million dollar smirk. "You didn't specify how I had to do it, as long as I did."

Grunting, Tsunade eyed the remainder of her money with remorse. She was getting to the bottom of her stash…if she didn't replenish her supply, she wouldn't have enough to indulge herself with sake and booze.

"I don't care what you did. But whatever it was, it must have been underhanded and dirty to get Kakashi in a dress."

Jiraiya feigned a look of hurt. "Is that what you think of me?"

Tsunade gave him _the_ _look_.

Jiraiya coughed. "Well, it doesn't matter. Fact is, he wore the dress, and you lost."

Tsunade grumbled something under her breathe. Jiraiya suspected it was a few well chosen words that could make a dignified lady blush. He chuckled. He would never tell anyone his secret weapon against Copy Nin Kakashi.

Tsunade threw him another glare and snorted. "Well, it doesn't matter. You'll be paying me back _everything_ once I win this one."

Jiraiya raised an eyebrow. "Someone sounds sure."

Tsunade smirked. "Damn right I am."

"Let's hope the Nara kid and your little apprentice don't disappoint us, then."

Tsunade's expression was icy.

_They better not. I'll have their heads._

Sakura was in a good mood. She hadn't been on a mission for a while, and although it wasn't an important mission, it paid well. She hummed as she packed a few well chosen sets of clothes and civilian necessities. Stuffing her medical supplies into the sack, she mentally checked off things to do before she left on her mission tomorrow afternoon.

She had already sharpened all her kunais, noting that it was quite possible that things wouldn't go as planned. Of course, it seemed like a relatively simple mission. Actually, it was pretty silly and sort of _insulting_, if she really thought about it. Someone like her for something so trivial. Not just trivial, but _stupid. _

But those concerns were not of matter.

Because, truth be told, Sakura had bigger fish to fry.

The look on Shikamaru's face was simply priceless. He was uncomfortable…even embarrassed of having to ask her to do such a thing …and clearly annoyed. His distress was rather endearing to Sakura, as she was so used to seeing his calm, albeit somewhat smug, expression after every game of shougi they shared.

Sakura was flattered that Shikamaru asked her. She was surprised of the request, but it really was no big deal to her. As the supreme medic she was confident she was, the task would not be a problem to her. Acting to be someone's wife would be easy as well, and no doubt endlessly entertaining.

She recalled Ino complaining about Shikamaru when they went out for those few month before they realized that they were better off as friends.

_The stupid guy only knows how to look at clouds! No matter what I do, he always looks bored! I'll PAY to see him panicked, or nervous, or excited…ANYTHING!_

Yes, inner Sakura giggled evilly, rubbing her hands together with a gleam in her eyes, this would be her chance to manipulate her poor friend to no ends. Being pregnant had its perks. She had the privilege, the right to be moody as hell and order Shikamaru--her beloved husband--around and he would have to comply.

Now, Sakura had nothing against Shikamaru. They were good friends! But, it was just _such_ a good opportunity. There was no way in hell she could let something this juicy pass…

A girl had her rights to entertainment, didn't she?

And of course, she had other things in mind. She was done packing, so there were only personal matters she had to deal with now. She would have to inform her shishou that she would be going on a mission. She was vaguely aware that she would, should, already know, but it didn't hurt to inform her--in case the great Hokage was drunk or something and screamed bloody murder when Sakura didn't show up the next day. Then, she had to check up at the hospital and lab one last time. Her precious experiment…she sobbed inwardly. She would make another round for her patients, thanking the lord silently that none of them were in intensive care anymore. She would feel at ease leaving them to other medics and nurses.

Finally, she would have say bye to Naruto, Sai, and Sasuke. They would be at the bar, Sai informed her earlier that day, and it would be the best time to find all of them at once.

Naruto would whine about her leaving for so long. Who would make sure he lived on anything but ramen?

Sai would smile and wish her best of luck. His smiles were becoming less and less fake as the days wore on.

Sasuke would…scowl.

And Sakura would grin. She knew the lack of constant attention she gave the lone Uchiha nowadays irked him on some level. She suspected that he was somewhat attached to her, as a good friend, and wouldn't like the fact that she had to leave for a long period of time. She made a mental note to tell them flippantly that she would have to be Shikamaru's pretend wife. No surprise there. But then she'd drop in that she was to "have his kid."

Now, Sakura was no longer attached to her former love…but the chance of some good natured retribution was right there. She knew the mention of children to Sasuke would spark his "restore the clan" ideal.

Inner Sakura was laughing manically.

Let Sasuke _kun_ chew on _that_ for a while.

* * *

The sun was bright, the skies were clear, and the slight breeze offered the two traveling shinobi the simple comforts of nature.

They have been traveling for three hours now. Shikamaru met Sakura at the village gates at nine sharp and promptly set out for their destination by foot. They would reach their first point of interest in half a day's time, so there was no need to rush. Breaking into a sweat for no reason would be, in principle, troublesome.

Shikamaru glanced Sakura from the corner of his eye. The petite pink haired woman was walking in confident strides, smiling cheerfully as she took in her surroundings. It was normal, he supposed; she probably hadn't been so far from the village for a while.

What wasn't normal, though, was that Sakura was being so cooperative about the whole thing. If it were Ino, he predicted that she would be having him do all sorts of troublesome things. Of course Shikamaru was thankful that Sakura was more mature that Ino…but to agree so easily…was just so suspicious.

Sakura turned to look at him. "Anything wrong?"

"Oh. No." Shikamaru cleared his thoughts. He was thinking too much into this, probably. Sakura was just trying to be a good friend.

Sakura wanted to test the waters. "So, Shikamaru, once we secure the client's real daughter and finish up our work there, we'll head straight for the other village?"

"No, it would be better to stay the night and set out next morning. I need to work out the rest of the story."

"Hmm," Sakura hummed and she kicked a pebble, "Are there still some problems?"

"Well, assuming that we cover all our bases for the fist task…we'll still have the problem of convincing our client's family that you're her daughter. They'll be in their right mind to be suspicious as hell that you'll 'come back' healthy and married."

"I thought you said the cover was that the marriage did a one-eighty for my health. That, with the addition of a Konoha medic coming to heal 'me,' I got a lot better. And that medic also informed me that I was pregnant."

"Yeah, that's the gist of it."

"And I didn't come home until now because I was afraid that my parents would object me marrying a commoner," she smiled as she looked at Shikamaru, "who's a shinobi I met half a year ago. But of course I _had_ to go back now that I'm pregnant."

Shikamaru sighed. "That's the story if everything goes accordingly."

And usually, as every shinobi knew, nothing goes accordingly.

Sakura was still smiling. "Come on, Shikamaru, it'll be fine. We'll just have to go with the flow."

_Downstream flow, no doubt._ Shikamaru nodded shortly, knowing that acquiesce was the far less troublesome option.

"So, how many months?"

"Huh?" Shikamaru looked confused.

Sakura tried again, feeling wryly smug. "How many months, Shikamaru? How many months _pregnant_ do you want me to be?"

Understanding dawning on his face, Shikamaru fought the urge to rub his temples. "It's up to you. You're the medic. When's the earliest one can find out she's pregnant?"

"A skilled medic can detect the low level of human chorionic gonadotropin in a pregnant woman's body a few days after fertilization. The chakra signature takes much longer."

Not completely understanding the medical terms Sakura just used, Shikamaru simply nodded, assured that Sakura knew best. "Alright, let's say it's only been a week, then. I don't know how long we'll have to stay, but I don't want them to start expecting your stomach to expand."

"Uterus."

Shikamaru paused. "Technicalities."

Sakura grinned. "Of course. So, how much experience do you have with acting as someone's husband?"

Shikamaru grimaced. "None. It's not exactly my field of work." _Because I'm head of the jounin intelligence unit…and I don't have to do this sort of troublesome work._ "But I've seen plenty of married couples." _Like my old man and mom. _

Shikamaru shuddered. Would he end up marrying someone as scary as his mom?

"Well," Sakura eyed Shikamary carefully and smirked, "we'll see how good you are. But I should be careful, as well. I don't want to come off as absolutely demure, but I can't be too intimidating."

It was Shikamaru's turn to smirk. "What are you talking about? You're my wife. You're supposed to scare the living daylight out of me."

Sakura felt a surge of affection for the lazy man.

"It'll be my honor, then."

Smiling back at Sakura's light teasing, Shikamaru suddenly became aware that was he looking at his teammate for a little longer than he should.

Perhaps only the lord knew how troublesome the situation was getting.

He sighed. Religion was such a troublesome thing.

* * *

_tbc_

Note: As long as you guys can be patient with me and my extremely erratic updating, I think I can commit to this story. That being said, I don't know where to go with this thing. I don't know how many chapters it'll be. This can go anywhere…and I mean _anywhere_, since my brain is on defrost right now. That's why, I'm open to suggestions. Very open. So, someone, inspire me.

My wacko story is on my blogspot, yes. Linkable from profile, if interested. Read only if you appreciate the "deeper things in life." Zap.

Who wants to do an experiment with me? I've always wanted to try the "I write one chapter," "you write the next one," sort of thing. Or alternative sections. Maybe even some weird role-play script thing. If there's an author out there who's interested, let me know. Before you volunteer yourself, though, I have to warn you that dealing with me and my mediocre writing skills (or lack of) isn't that easy. I can be an annoying brat.

Long note. You're bored to death. I'll stop.

Thanks for reading, again.


	3. Chapter 3

**_Shikamaru's Wife_**

By: Yumi

**Dedicated to:** Because I have no particular schedule or objective for this story, each update is essentially the result of me being inspired by something or someone. This chapter is for :'Delicious Cake-desu,' for your crazy and amusing suggestion, 'Sailor Silver Moon' and 'mademoiselle anna,' for the support, and 'Minnesca' for the fair and honest opinion.

* * *

The small village on the border of the Grass Country turned out to be a peaceful, agriculture-based community. The land was plentiful and the people there knew the give-and-take principle of Mother Nature. That being said, the village was primarily composed of everyday, normal farming folks--civilians who normally did not come into intimate contact with shinobi or anything dealing with the merciless world of ninjas.

Thus, when Sakura and Shikamaru entered the village, all available eyes fell on them. To their relief, the people there didn't hold a grudge against shinobi, but were merely curious at the pair of newly arrived travelers.

Sakura, being the infinitely more social and outwardly more friendly individual in the duo, self appointed herself the duty of direction-asking. It was a task, she mentally scoffed, that most men tended to dislike doing. In Shikamaru's case, though, she suspected that any hesitance on his part was mainly due to 'troublesome' factor.

Funny, considering how much more troublesome it would be to wander around the village without proper directions.

Sakura didn't disappoint. She thanked the old woman was a polite bow and a sunny smile and jogged back to Shikamaru with precise directions to their first target's house. They took ten minutes to navigate around the patches of fields and located the Tanaki residence. It was a small house, but seemingly very homely and tidy.

An old woman was sitting on a wooden stole near the entrance of the house. She was humming some unfamiliar tune as she ripped lettuce into a big mixing bowl.

Shikamaru coughed. The woman looked up, a little startled, a little wary.

"Excuse me, is this the Tanaki residence?"

The woman abandoned her shredding and wiped her hands on her blue apron. "Yes. Can I help you?"

Sakura walked closer to the woman and smiled. "We're shinobi from Leaf. Kisasko san has requested help from us and we are here to talk to you and her daughter."

The woman seemed to have stiffened at her words, but nonetheless motioned for the two to enter the house for further discussion. She introduced herself as Riiko, and served Sakura and Shikamary green tea and mochi. Before Shikamaru was able to explain the situation, a girl with brown hair and green eyes slowly walked into the guest room. Sakura noted that the girl was having difficulty walking properly, but was particularly confused at the scowl on her pretty face.

"What do you people want?"

Riiko motioned for the girl to sit down; she did so a bit indignantly.

"We're from Leaf. At Kisako san's request, we're here to help her secure her share of the family heritage."

The girl smiled bitterly. "So that's why you're here? Well, what did I expect?"

A bit hesitantly, Sakura asked curiously, "Um, may I ask who this person is?"

"I'm her daughter, Hanako." She crossed her arms.

_Ah, thought so._

Sakura was intently studying the girl sitting across from her.

Shikamaru assessed the situation before him. Tsunade was being a little less than truthful when she said that the girl was bedridden. He could tell she was weak, but she did not look like she was about to pass out on the floor. Furthermore, there was obviously some family tension and hostility ringing in the air, and it would be his bet that his life just got from complicated. He sighed.

Riiko, who was remained silent during their brief exchange decided to lay out the situation for the two guests. "Kisako sent me a letter the week before, so I already know what you two are here for."

Hanako looked at Riiko with sudden bewilderment.

"Hanako was sent here when she was young because of her condition. I took care of her since. She hardly goes out, so the villagers simply think of her as my niece who has a weak body. The Tachibana family doesn't care for girls, especially those who are ill, so they hardly come in contact with us. Once in a while, Kisako sends money and letters to us, but they come infrequently. I know Kisako san wants Hanako to return home for the family heritage, but there are some…difficulties."

Shikamaru looked from the tired old woman to the livid girl. "We know the rules and laws of Kisako san's village. Hanako san is required to be married and carrying a child in order for her to be qualified for heritage division."

"I am not going back," the brown hair girl hissed fiercely. "I am not getting married or pregnant just so my so called mother can get her hands on more of that filthy money."

"Don't worry," Sakura tried reassuringly, "We have it all planned out. You don't need to return. All you need to do is remain in this house, unseen by as many people as possible. Conveniently, everyone thinks you are Riiko san's niece, so it'll work out nicely. I'll disguise myself as you and return to your home village. You don't have to do a thing."

"And why would I want to help her?" Hanako scoffed.

Sakura's eyes softened. "Because you love her."

Hanako glared at Sakura.

"And she loves you. What is she going to do with all that money? She wants you to have the means to survive. Whether you stay here in the village or establish yourself in society, you're going to need financial support."

Hanako was silent. She turned her own cup of green tea several times without picking up to actually drink it. She looked at Sakura and then Shikamaru.

"Is _he_ supposed to be my husband?"

Sakura smiled and nodded enthusiastically. Shikamaru's lips twitched slightly.

Hanako looked at Shikamaru and furrowed her brows in distaste. "He's wouldn't be my type."

Sakura couldn't hold it in. Shikamaru turned to glance at his medic teammate laughing unabashed.

* * *

There was probably something to be noted about Sakura's change of mood after the conversation the two Leaf nin shared with their client's daughter and her caretaker. Riiko san had showed them to their one spare room and left them to their devices. Sakura had promptly reorganized her pack for their second destination the next day, and then zipped past a bemused and slightly confused Shikamaru.

Sakura was noticeably happier, for whatever reason he couldn't really phantom. True, they now had the cooperation with their client's daughter. That only made the mission easier, and he had to hand it over to Sakura to do the heartfelt conversations. He was silently thanking God--if such a troublesome Individual existed--that Sakura was so good at that stuff.

Figuring that it was probably too annoying to ponder over such subjects, he opted to lay on the small bed, elevating his head with his arms stretched to back. Tomorrow, Sakura and Shikamaru would send two shadow clones out the village to convince any suspecting villagers that they had left. It was a security measure that probably wasn't necessary, but always good to have. Then, Sakura would easily change her pink hair into Hanako's shade of chocolate brown. There was no need to do much of anything else, Shikamaru mused. Luckily, both girls stature were similar--sure Sakura was much more toned, but she was relatively similar to Hanako in height. They both look like they could go out for a buffet more often, too.

And of course, since Hanako's family never really sought out for her--left her here to rot because she wasn't a boy or healthy--it really made the situation sickeningly beneficial to them. No one would know how Hanako Tachibana looked…

The pink hair, though, really had to go.

It was pretty lucky, he supposed, although he was never one to ground his faith on chances. But then again, Sakura did have the same green colored eyes as Hanako, excepting maybe Sakura's eyes were more vibrant and sparkling. Especially when she laughed. Her eyes would widen and her lashes would spray out prettily against her soft pale skin that--

Shikamaru's eyes snapped open. Why was he thinking about his teammate like that? He shook his head. It didn't matter how pretty Sakura was, or wasn't. She was a good friend, his partner, and one hell of a kunoichi. It was not appropriate to think of her like that.

_Why not?_

Oh, damn him and his overly active and clever brain. He turned to his side and pressed his head against the not-so-comfortable pillow. His brain, possibly his most valuable asset as a ninja, was ironically always getting him to ponder over things he rather not think about.

Before he could ponder any further, a fact he now wasn't sure if he should be happy about or not, a loud laughter rang in the air.

He scowled.

* * *

They left around six in the morning, after instructing their clones to leave around midday so that there would be plenty of villagers to see them make their grand exit. Their target location was across grass country, but they would easily arrive well before nightfall. Sakura was strangely quiet throughout the trip. Even more oddly so, Shikamaru felt an indescribable (and decidedly troublesome) need to initiate some sort of conversation.

Sakura was looking smug, too. It was all too _weird_.

Shikamaru sighed. He was definitely bringing this on to himself. "Sakura."

Sakura smiled at the man. "Hm?"

"What did you women talk about?"

"Why are you so interested?"

Another sighed. "If it's anything that pertains to the mission, the I think it's best if I know about it."

"What makes you think pertains to the mission?" Sakura resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

Shikamaru just looked at Sakura.

"It's nothing important." Sakura tried to wave him off.

"Humor me."

Sakura tactic number 1, play serious. "We just talked about Hanako san's family. I wanted to get the family structure and that stuff confirmed with the first party, you know."

"And?"

Tactic number 2, play innocent. "What do you mean, 'and'?"

"And what else?" Shikamaru wasn't _that_ easy.

Sakura raised on pink eyebrow and glanced skeptically at her suspicious partner. He was too good--and too keen--on reading beneath the underneath--and underneath that too.

What was exchanged between the three women yesterday in that small living room was staying sealed in her mouth, came fire, rain, or Akatsuki. Sakura grinned; tactic number 3, play coy. "We also talked about women stuff. You wouldn't understand even if I told you, Shikamaru. And," Sakura slurred slyly, "I wouldn't want to embarrass you."

Well, what do you make of that? Shikamaru was temporarily at a loss of words. He could easily retort with a "after years in a same team with Ino, nothing embarrasses me anymore," but would probably kick him in back later on when said blonde got an ear of it. He could use the "try me" method…but then things would get even more troublesome, seeing how playful and difficult Sakura was eagerly being. And the whole thing wasn't too terribly difficult to figure out. The women were probably talking about men--or him, in particular, all things considered. What better than gossip to put three women on the same boat? He just happened to be the paddle there for them to use. But Shikamaru, for the life of him, was curious as to exactly what was said of him. It really shouldn't mater…like the way Sakura's appearance shouldn't matter…but…somehow….

As Shikamaru mulled whether or not he should reply, Sakura decided that Shikamaru was definitely a lot more animate than what Ino made of him. Heck, he was amusing! Jumping from the last branch to the ground where they were to change into civilian clothing, Sakura noted happily that Shikamaru had still yet to respond to her jibe.

Even though the mission itself was originally ridiculous, now that she learned about actual relationship between Hanako and her mother, it seemed to have more meaning. Not only could she do something meaningful, she could have the time of her life doing it. She glanced at a now yukata-covered Shikamaru.

Yes, she was _definitely_ going to have fun with this one.

* * *

"You're a shinobi?"

"Yes, but I've withdrawn my duties to my village after I found out Hanako was pregnant." Shikamaru glanced at Sakura, now smiling unsurely at the people around the room.

After they had arrived to the Tachibana residence, Kisako san greeted the both of them warmly, faking a surprise joy that nearly convinced Sakura and Shikamaru themselves that they were legitimate. As they were ushered inside, Kisako san whispered to Sakura, thanking her for her help. Sakura nodded, noting the woman's warm but worn features, her silk-woven but plain kimono, and her gentle but frail hands.

Once the servants notified the branched members of the family, the reception room gathered with what the two presumed to be Kisako san's brothers and sisters in laws. There were some children in the room as well, and Sakura couldn't help but smile at a young girl, even though she was avoiding Sakura's gaze.

Apparently, the village elders were also invited to the little family reunion. Some family, Sakura snorted mentally. None of her 'aunts' or 'uncles' smiled or greeted her properly yet. It was only when Sakura showed her 'birthmark' on her wrist that the family was convinced that the girl wasn't a fake.

Medic-nin Sakura grinned inwardly, smiling politely outwardly.

They talked about what happened. It was more that they wanted to demand why the hell was she here and healthy and pregnant as if it was the most outrageous thing. Her beloved relatives, though, were dignified and polite in front of the village elders, asking about how and why Sakura came to be sitting in their house with her husband. Sakura told them her inspiring story--of how she met Shikamaru by the fate of the heavens, how he sent a highly skilled medic nin to her secretly for months, how she got better and fallen in love, how they married in a small but romantic wedding, and how she was pregnant and wanted to share the news.

Sakura had done all the talking, until one of her uncles directed his attention to Shikamaru.

"So what is your occupation now?"

"We don't have a need for ninjas around here."

"That's right; you might as well go to another village for your sort of skill."

Sakura frowned. These men was getting on her nerves. Shikamaru was a lot better at keeping his annoyance at bay, apparently, and patted one warm hand on top of Sakura's slightly shaking ones, lacing his fingers around hers with a great show of affection.

"I want to be at my wife's side throughout her pregnancy. Her body is much stronger now, but I want to ensure the safety or her and our child. As a former ninja, I won't let anything happen to her." Shikamaru looked directly in the eye of Sakura-labeled-"bastard uncle #1."

Said uncle flinched slightly.

Sakura's eyes widened. When did Shikamaru become so…uh…manly?

Shikamaru smiled politely. "So I'll attend to her and any duties around the house for the time being. Afterwards, I can find a job around the village. I will be in your care and hospitality," he said warmly, turning to Kisako san, "until then."

Kisako beamed. "Silly! We're family, don't talk nonsense. Hanako is carrying the grandchild of my dear late husband. This is _his_ property as much as yours, now. Feel at home."

Sakura took great satisfaction at the displeased looks on her relatives faces. It was time to deliver the finishing blow. Before anyone could beat her to it, Sakura patted her stomach softly. "Esteemed councilmen?"

The elderly turned to her expectantly. She smiled like a child who just received perfect marks on her exam. "When my child is born, would it be too much trouble to ask for your help in naming the child? It would be the job of my father…but since he is not here anymore," a small sob here, "I would boldly ask for your precious time in helping our humble family name the newborn."

A man with a white beard smiled at her and nodded as one elderly women praised Sakura for being so well mannered even though she was raised away from home.

"Thank you so much! Would it be too much trouble to ask for a village doctor to give me a check up? My husband and I have traveled for a long while, and I want to make sure everything is okay."

The elderly and Kisako san agreed it was a good idea, happily calling for one of the family servants to bring a doctor while Sakura and Shikamaru were fed.

Sakura discreetly nudged Shikamaru to look at her so called relatives, looking horrified at Sakura's request, as if their last hope vanished before their eyes.

As inner-Sakura basked in her foresight, Shikamaru wondered in half awe and half wariness at Sakura's grade-A acting.

Neither was aware that Shikamaru's hand was still loosely entwined with Sakura's.

* * *

The doctor said that she was doing fine. Sakura was still in her first cycle, but as long as she had enough rest and nourishing food, they would be expecting a healthy baby in a matter of months.

Just like Sakura predicted he would say.

Medic-nin Sakura grins inwardly again.

Sakura was slightly disappointed when Kisako san requested that she and Sakura had their meal alone in her room while everyone else had theirs in the dining room. She wanted to talk to Shikamaru about the situation, but she supposed it would be good to talk to their client.

Shikamaru, though, would have to live with the glares and taunts.

_Oh, well, he's a big boy._

Shikamaru gave Sakura a shrug as everyone filed out of the room, probably his way of saying that he didn't care one way or the other. They could talk later.

"Thank you for coming again, Sakura san."

"How do you know my name, Kisako san?"

"Oh, your shishou sent me a letter and gave me information on you and your partner."

Sakura was confused. Since when did Tsunade bother to do such things. And wait…shishou?

"Oh, yes, I know you were her apprentice."

Sakura just continued to look confused.

"I was acquainted with Tsunade san well before I requested for her help."

Sakura relaxed and decided that anyone her shishou decided to confide personal information to was to be trusted in her book. Well, probably.

"I see, well, I hope to be of service to you. I think we have things under control."

The elder women chuckled. "You two put up quite a show back there."

"Those men pissed me o--oh, sorry."

"No, no, please, help yourself."

Sakura grinned. "Oh, by the way, Kisako san, how long are we to stay here? Shikamaru said he calculated that those uncles of mine will be leaving soon after they've checked that I'm actually pregnant."

"I think the heritance will be transferred to my name in two weeks. Once the legal documents are done with, the others will get their shares and leave. There is no need for them to stay since the house will be officially mine."

"That's good to hear."

And then…I can finally bring Hanako back. We'll be a family at last."

"Don't worry, it'll be soon. I promised Hanako that it'll be okay, and I intend to keep my promise."

The woman smiled softly. "You're just as Tsunade san said you were."

Before Sakura could question her client, she turned and brought the tray of food from the table to her lap. Sakura's mouth watered at the delicious foods.

"Say, Sakura san, your partner, Shikamaru kun, what do you think of him?"

Sakura said her thanks and began to dig into her food. The long travel really had its toll on her poor stomach. "Shikamaru? Oh, he's okay."

"Okay? Just okay?"

"Huh? I mean he's reall--" Sakura stopped marveling at the delicacies before her and blinked at Kisako san blankly. "Are you trying to imply something Kisako san?"

The elder woman laughed bashfully, waving her hand as if nothing of the sort crossed her mind. "Of course not! But you guys made such a sweet couple…and the way he was defending you, even if it was acting, it looked so convincing."

Sakura was taken aback. "Well, of course! We're shinobi. It's part of our duty to act."

Kisako thought otherwise. "Well, I'll take your word for it. Though, Sakura san, you're so young, is there anyone you're involved with right now?"

Sakura blushed. "No, as of current, I'm not, but that won't affect my per--"

"Excellent!"

Sakura looked confused. Her pathetic lack of a love life was excellent?

"Oh, I meant, it's excellent you're so focused on your work. Yes, it's good to have your priorities straight. You're such a strong and beautiful young woman. Oh, right, Sakura san, you were never pregnant before, have you?"

Scandalous thoughts quickly entered and exited Sakura's once-pink head. "N-no!"

"Oh, don't be alarmed, I was just wondering if you knew how to act being pregnant. I know you're a great medic, or you wouldn't have been able to fool that doctor, but actually being pregnant and experiencing it is very different."

"Oh," was Sakura's not so intelligent response.

"I was very moody when I was pregnant--right from the very beginning. I can tell you all about it."

"Moody?"

"Oh, yes. My husband told me those were the most difficult months of his life. I was a hand full."

Sakura chuckled. Pregnant women were to be feared.

"Do you think Shikamaru kun will be able to handle it?" There was a dangerous gleam in her eyes.

Sakura decided that she really liked this woman.

"He'll have no choice."

* * *

tbc

Notes: Updating from now on will be slower and more erratic. I appreciate the patience. Thanks for all the nice reviews. I feel warm and fluffy after reading them--which is disturbing, in that emo-kid way. Which, for assurance's sake, I'm not. Which is why it's disturbing.

Beep-beep.


	4. Chapter 4

**_Shikamaru's Wife_**

By: Yumi

**Dedicated to**: Pachelbel; _Canon_ is beautiful. 2008 Olympics participants; your courage is inspiring.

* * *

Shikamaru didn't understand what the hell had happened in the matter of one night. He really didn't think much of the mission when he first accepted the damn thing, except it was totally ridiculous and a waste of his time.

But Shikamaru didn't like to waste time dwelling on the past. At present, the current problem was his little 'wife.' How was he, a genius as they came, supposed to expect this sort of change of events?

Weren't they supposed to act like the loving couple? That was already a troublesome thing…but now Sakura decided that 'loving' wasn't good enough. Apparently, he had to be the loving husband who tolerated everything his pregnant wife demanded.

He needed to be whipped. Whipped, twirled, and knotted in a bow.

Sakura was supposed to be, like, a week or two pregnant…were women even supposed to be this volatile this early on? He didn't know, and he sure as hell didn't have time to ask his mom for the 411 before he left for their little trip.

At present, Shikamaru was sitting in the dining table with Sakura, Kisako, and the female relatives of the family with their children. The men had left for work, leaving one Shikamaru behind with all the women…which would have been fine…

But Sakura was pouting at him. He didn't understand why she suddenly wanted to be so difficult.

"But I want you to make it for me," Sakura whined cutely. Well, as cutely as a whining woman could sound, Shikamaru reflected grimly.

"Hanako, dear, I wouldn't mind making the…uh, pancakes for you, but see here. You're pregnant, you need something more nutritious than pancakes. And the kitchen has already prepared your share, so why don't you just eat it for now?"

"I know. But I suddenly have the urge for pancakes. And if I don't have my pancakes, then I won't be able to stomach anything else. If I can't stomach anything else, I won't be able to eat the nutritious foods I'm supposed to. If I don't eat the nutritious foods I'm supposed to, our baby and I won't be very happy. And if we're not very happy…do you know what happens next?"

Shikamaru swallowed slowly. "What, dear?"

"_You_ won't be very happy." Sakura responded calmly, blinking at Shikamaru as if asking him why he was still sitting there when he could be elsewhere making her fluffy, fluffy pancakes.

"But, dear," Shikamaru tried again. "You never liked my cooking. Remember? You said I was the worst chief ever."

"I know," Sakura answered simply. "But I suddenly want to eat the pancakes you make."

Kisako decided to pipe in. "Yes, pregnant woman have the strangest urges.

"It's weird, but we can't be at rest until we've had the itch scratched," a pretty raven haired around her thirties commented.

"It's so hard, isn't it? Sometimes, the craving just pops up in the middle of the night." Another women added dramatically.

"It's very difficult being pregnant," Sakura finished solemnly.

The women around the room nodded, murmuring among themselves about the agonies of child-bearing.

Shikamaru almost gapped at Sakura. The woman wasn't even pregnant! He glanced at all the expectant faces around the table. Apparently, fighting for the family heritance was not nearly as important as ganging up on a 'pregnant' woman's husband.

Shikamaru found a young boy looking at him with round, sparkling eyes. Then, very slowly, he started to nod, as if agreeing to what Sakura said.

Okay, _now_ things were ridiculous. A young little boy was joining in on the fun, too. Just you wait, Shikamaru thought bitterly, if not irrationally, until you get _your_ wife pregnant.

He sighed. Why was it so difficult? He needed to have a talk with Sakura very, very soon. Slowly, Shikamaru got out of the seat, leaving his barely touched breakfast regrettably.

He was almost out the door when Sakura sweet voice called his name. "Oh, dear?"

"Hmm?" His brain told him that he probably didn't want to know.

"I want them with fresh strawberries and whipped cream!"

Shikamaru sighed. Damn his accurate brain.

* * *

Once Shikamaru brought them both to their room and made sure no one was in the vicinity, he turned to question his beloved 'wife.' "Sakura, we need to talk."

"About?" The girl was playing with her brown hair. He supposed it would be fascinating to have brown hair after about 20 years of pink.

"About the pancakes."

"Oh, those. They weren't bad. Strawberries weren't that fresh, though. Oh, and too much vanilla extract. And, Shikamaru? I don't recall saying your cooking sucks."

Shikamaru sighed, recalling Sakura's enthusiastic demand for pancake, only for her to tell him that she didn't really feel like them anymore when he returned with a stack of them. She did take a few bites, though. "Of course you didn't. You never tasted my cooking, Sakura. What I meant was, why did you suddenly want me to make you pancakes? I thought we settled on being the normal, loving couple until this storm blows over."

"What? I was being loving."

"Making me make you pancakes was _loving_?" Shikamaru asked incredulously.

"It's what married couples do."

"But, pancakes…"

"Get over it."

Shikamaru coughed, remembering the more than amused looks he got from the Tachibana family chiefs. "In any case, isn't it better to act like normal couples? Without the pan--without the excess."

Damn, he was going to have nightmares about the damn morning confections.

"You're overreacting. And anyway," Sakura continued, tone bored, "it's too normal to play the loving couples' act. It's almost too typical. Plus, I'm pregnant. I'm supposed to be moody."

"Moody," Shikamaru echoed, reaching his arm out to rub the back of his neck.

"Yeah, moody." Sakura studied her fingernails.

* * *

"So I volunteered you to look after the children."

Shikamaru could only stare at his wife.

Kisako handed Sakura a coat and smiled warmly at him. "It's a good chance for her to get some sunshine and fresh air."

"Shouldn't I go with you, honey, and make sure you ladies are okay?" Shikamaru felt pathetic at this point.

Sakura batted her eyelashes at him. Damn. "Don't worry about us. The servants are coming with us."

"But, isn't it a better idea to leave some more servants around to look after the children? I don't know what good I can do?"

"Don't be silly!" Sakura's 'second aunt' exclaimed as she came out with the others. "We're sure you'll do a fine job."

"Think of it as training, dear, for when our baby is here. You don't want to be completely lost when you're the father."

"Yes, but, all of them? Hanako, dear, is that really necessary? I don't think I can manage." Shikamaru concluded a little too sheepishly.

"I see," Sakura said tonelessly. She blinked at a nonplussed Shikamaru.

If possible, Shikamaru's face became even more impassive, inwardly wondering how a woman's mood could turn 180 in a matter of seconds. Outwardly, he said nothing, because now that Sakura seemed to have come to her sense, there was no way in hell he was going to question her about it.

Sakura was very calm. Very calm. Shikamaru started to feel tense. Suddenly, Sakura pointed ac accusing finger at Shikamaru.

"But you said you loved me!" Sakura said in disbelief.

Shikamaru stared at his wife. What did 'loving her' have to do with anything?

He supposed that out of the many, many answers he could choose from, there was only one correct answer--the one Sakura wanted to hear. He sighed. "Of course I do. Sure, I'll look after the them."

Sakura beamed. His 'aunts" thanked him.

"Oh, and, make sure you change Yuki's diapers," Sakura remarked in an offhand way, handing the infant to Shikamaru. Yuki's mother nodded in approval. Shikamaru looked down to the little girl who was currently doing an excellent job drooping saliva on his shirt.

"Uh, yeah."

* * *

Shikamaru felt tired. More tired than he had felt in a long, long time. The sensation of being completely worn, bone to bone, was comparable to when he was in a relationship with Ino and having her drag him out to shopping. Or coming back from a month-long mission.

Taking care of kids is not to be undermined, he mentally noted.

He was sitting on the veranda with a hot cup of tea. Sakura and the other women were reading with the children and he was ever so thankful that his endearing wife didn't expect him to join the crowd. He looked back when he hear shuffling of feet.

Two men around eight or ten years his senior seated themselves next to him, each of them holding a steaming cup of tea.

"How was the afternoon kiddy campout?"

Shikamaru stiffened and looked at the man who spoke to him. He had dark brown hair and more wrinkles than he should have for a man his age. At Shikamaru's calculative look, said man laughed easily. "My wife told me you took care of the kids while they went out shopping and strolling."

Shikamaru sighed and said nothing.

Sakura's other uncle piped in, voice tired. "Wait until she's in her third trimester, you'll be sighing constantly."

Curious, but cautious, Shikamaru tested carefully. "I thought you two wouldn't be in the position to give me advice on women."

Uncle number 2 sighed. "Heritance?"

Shikamaru said nothing.

"I know, Fujito-nii is pretty angry about Kisako san's daughter popping out of no where, at a time like this. It can't be helped, though. Rules are rules. It doesn't affect us one way or the other, though. No matter who gets the largest part of the heritance, the both of us gets a set amount, anyway."

Shikamaru nodded, feeling slightly better and at ease.

Uncle number 3 shrugged. "The whole thing is a lot of trouble, but at least we get to work away from our villages for a while. You were a shinobi, you probably got to travel a lot. I haven't been out of the factory since ages. Even if we're working in the main branch company, at least it's away from home. Change of scenery."

"The women have each other to gossip with, so it's less of a hassle, too."

Shikamaru found himself smirking. These men were decent for company, after all.

"Shikamaru san, was it? Don't let it get to you. Women are…different when they get pregnant. They'll expect more, whine more, and demand more….but just bare with it."

"Yeah," uncle 3 said as he rolled his eyes. "What else can you do?"

"Well, your wife has already done the take-care-of-other-children thing. Anything else?"

Shikamaru reflected to himself for a moment. "She asked me to make pancakes this morning."

The two other man exchanged glances.

"Of course you did, then?"

"Yeah, but she didn't feel like them when I was done."

Uncle 2 sucked in his breath and raised his eyebrows. Uncle 3 shook his head. "That's just the beginning."

Shikamaru looked at the two man.

"From what I heard, when Kisako san was pregnant with Hanako san, she was a force to be reckoned with. If Hanako san takes after her mother…you're going to be in for a hell of a ride."

"Soon, you'll be washing her feet, going to birthing classes with her, waking up in the middle of the night running errands for her….the list goes on."

Shikamaru thought about the wise man's words. He and Sakura would be gone in a week or two…there was no way she could plan all those exciting events for them in so little time.

"Well, take it easy." Uncle 2 patted Shikamaru's shoulder as he stood up. "Just think of it as another act of love." He stretched his arms and sighed, looking at the cloudless evening skies. "I'm heading in for the night. Need to warm the bed before my wife gets there."

Uncle 3 shook his head, watching uncle 2 exit from the room. "The submissive husband type. But who am I to say? I think Sayuri's pregnant, again."

Shikamaru watched the monotone-man give him a small wave before heading off to his room. Shikamaru thought the whole thing was rather comical.

From the fact that he was a pseudo-husband to the reality of him receiving marriage counseling from his clients' brothers-in-law.

How troublesome.

* * *

tbc

Note: Thanks for R&R-ing. Say 'hi' to me sometime!


	5. Chapter 5

**_Shikamaru's Wife_**

By: Yumi

**Notes:** I know I took my sweet time updating. One can only be so fashionable in lateness until it becomes irritating, I gather. I have plenty of excuses, but those aside, my apologies.

Thanks for being patient with me and dropping reviews of encouragement. You guys are so sweet, and I'm getting all sappy. Gosh. I owe it to you guys, so here I am typing away. Anyway, hope you guys enjoy it; I think this is one of my wittier chapter. Yes, I'm feeling rather witty at the moment. It's kind of pleasing, and since it doesn't come often, I thought I'd note it.

Lately, I'm obsessed with the new story I'm writing for Bleach. I cannot not write it. I _must. _It's not my usual Zen approach, but I have to fan girl once in a while. If you like Bleach, give it a read. Does this count as advertising myself? I've lost my subtleness; I guess my moment of wittiness has passed.

* * *

**Chapter 5:** _Usual_

Shikmaru would like to think himself as a man who has a decent sized heart. Not huge—which was Naruto's forte—but decent sized enough that if he was wronged, he would find it in himself to forgive and forget. It was the right thing to do. In his case, it was the lazy thing to do since being upset really took a lot of energy, and he didn't like that much. But still, for whatever self agenda he had, it was the right thing to do. Doing so, though, was really not as easy as it sounded. Being wronged was not a very good feeling. It stirred up a sense of self-injustice and left a bitter taste in one's mouth. The worse part about being wronged is that one generally acknowledges the fact that he is being wronged, but can do little to prevent it, even less to rectify it, and usually nothing to make it 'all go away.' It was rather unfair and entirely unpleasant, not to mention very troublesome.

But as Shikamaru's personal mantra went—he now decided having one was rather handy for times when people asked for his opinion and he needed something vague to throw at them to prevent them from consulting him further—do things efficiently once so that the troublesome ordeal does not have to be repeated. Of course, this mantra didn't apply to everything and everyone's plight, but it was general enough to expand into any situation if it was bended a bit. So, as far as he was concerned, if he was efficient in what he did, it would be okay. Because when he wasn't efficient, almost always there was someone who ended up unhappy (usually Ino or Tusnade sama), which would _always_ lead to more trouble for himself (this part still mystifies him when he knows it shouldn't).

So he was efficient. It was more efficient to accept a sincere apology when he was wronged, and move on. From every point of view, he could not find fault in his logic.

Yet theory and practice were often two very different things. Because Shikamaru felt very wronged at the moment. He was not angry—that would be fairly uncharacteristic, and he couldn't have _that_, but he couldn't help rubbing the small bridge between his eyes and sighing softly.

Looking at the array of different…sanitary napkins…Shikamaru decided all over again that Sakura was a woman to be feared.

* * *

It had started out one cloudy morning. The morning had been, well, cloudy (which Shikamaru did not mind) as it had been for the last few days, and faithfully uneventful. It was all very usual, which was generally a good thing, although Shikamaru knew better than to get too comfortable with the situation. With that in the back of his head, Shikamaru looked around the garden. It was still early, so he was one of the few people awake asides from the servants shuffling around preparing breakfast and attending their morning chores.

For a day that seemed so ordinary, something out of the ordinary did occur. Shikamaru had wakened before Sakura. Granted, he probably always woke up before his teammate, but today he had gotten out of bed before her. He didn't know what had come over him, but he decided to slip out of bed carefully and made his way to meet the chilly air and a rising sun. He had found himself a nice place on the grass and sat down.

He took some time to reflect what had happened since he really had nothing better to do. He thought about how the mission was proceeding, how Sakura was acting, and how he was reacting to her actions. He concluded that the mission was proceeding well (surprisingly), Sakura was continuing her coy little wife act (by now—not surprisingly), and he was taking it all rather well (he didn't know how to classify this one).

What bothered him was, and something was _always _bothering him because geniuses tend to think and overthink, and then think some more until a problem _does_ arise, the way he was looking at Sakura. It took him one day to completely take in the fact that for some reason (he had a inkling that it had to do with a certain older woman Sakura had taken to), Sakura wanted to be a lovingly demanding pregnant wife, with the 'demanding' part in bold. The role was something of a natural act to her and ordering him around became something she thought she had the God given right to.

The power to scare the living daylight out of a man with the mere blink of an eyelash is the best power ever. There is no refuting this. Who was Shikamaru to deny his wife that power?

So things went along quite well after the initial day of shock. Sakura had made him do more babysitting. It had been a pain in the ass, literally, but he adapted quickly to the screaming brats. She had asked him to make more dishes for her. This, was Shikamaru's victory, as he complied and made her what she demanded. Sakura quickly learned not to ask Shikamaru to enter the kitchens again after he tried serving her a plate that had something that moved.

He didn't feel guilty at all about serving her potentially toxic food—she was smart enough not to consume it _and _it had gotten the point across. She had given him a pretty glare and sniffed a little saying that her fluctuating hormones and their precious baby suddenly lost the urge to eat. Half an hour later, when Sakura thought Shikamaru wasn't around, she asked the kitchen staff to make her an omelet.

All in all, in had been a circus run. Sakura had the leverage, that being their unborn baby, but Shikamaru did give her a run for her money. He wasn't a genius for nothing. He knew how to play the game, and he enjoyed it too.

And _that_ was the problem.

He realized that he enjoyed playing this new game Sakura was hosting. Since when did a lazy, laid-back man like him care enough to entertain his slightly deranged teammate? Sure, it amused him, as he was sure it amused her, but why did it suddenly matter to him?

Yes, Sakura was a stunningly sharp and kindhearted woman. He didn't feel embarrassed admitting these things since, insert self-mantra, it was more efficient to just accept it than beat around the bush. She was brave, loyal, a fierce ninja with a pleasing-to-look-at face. She wasn't stunningly beautiful, but beautiful enough, to any man's standards. She also had that warm, friendly air about her that made her approachable, charming, and familiar. _That_ much he could give her. But it didn't sit well with him that he was starting to become overly aware of her many good qualities.

Shikamaru shook his head to himself. He was thinking too much, not surprisingly, again. It was only natural that he took more notice of Sakura now that they had a two-man mission together. He already knew Tsunade sama had some say in this, but he couldn't understand why she would be pushing her prized apprentice to him.

His peaceful thinking (somewhat peaceful, at least) was interrupted when a servant called him in for breakfast. He was never used to people serving him, but nodded wordlessly at the young girl regardless. He stood up and dusted his clothes. It would all be over soon. Several of the many relatives were already gone. Only a handful remained to hear the official declaration of the inheritance will, and after that, Sakura and Shikamaru would return to Konoha. More than likely, they will joke about the mission in the future, enjoy their game of Shougi every now and then, but for the most part, everything will remain unchanged.

Shikamaru doesn't know what he thinks of that. But seeing that it was too much trouble to really consider the fabulous fate of Sakura-and Shikamaru-after-their-mission, he simply tucks it away in the corner of his mind for a rainy day.

They had their breakfast together. Sakura had been awfully quiet this morning, and Shikamaru was starting to feel that what started to be an usual morning was not going to remain so usual for much longer. When they returned to their room, Sakura walked away from him and sat on their bed. Her back was turned to him and he immediately tensed.

"Shikamaru, I need your help."

God, she sounded distressed. This meant he was going to feel distressed real soon.

"Sakura, what's wr—"

"I need tampons." She cut him off with a glint in her eyes.

Someone had to give him credit. His face was calm when he asked, "I thought you were on a pill?" Granted, he knew better to ask, but he did anyways.

Sakura looked annoyed that he asked. And then she look offended. Apparently, it wasn't a very tactfully phrased question. "You know those things only postpone the menstrual cycle, right? Do you think I can magically just make it go away just because I'm a medic nin? What do you think the female body is?"

Shikamaru winced. He either had to deal with a hormonal 'pregnant' Sakura, or a hormonal pms-ing Sakura. There was no winning.

"Sorry, I thought you had it under control."

"I did," she said gruffly, "but I didn't take into account that I had to be in a stupid yukata all the time. I'm usually really light, so wearing pads is okay and it doesn't hinder me on missions or training. But wearing this thing, I _have_ to wear tampons. I hate those, so I didn't have any at home to bring with me. Not that I knew I'd be in this stupid thing anyway." She flapped the sleeve on her yukata for good measure.

"You know those things are so uncomfortable, I don't see why Ino likes them so much. But I guess she needs them since…well. I guess not everyone's as lucky as me and Tenten. Hinata though…" Sakura started, voice thoughtful.

Shikamaru felt an onslaught of a headache coming. He did _not_ need to hear about the…ah, preference…of Konoha women. He held out his hand for Sakura to stop, and surprisingly she did. He suspected that it had something to do with the pained look on his face.

"Okay. I understand. But why can't you use some around the house. There are swarms of woman here, they must stock those things up here somewhere."

"_Honey_, don't you think I've thought of that? But did you forget something?" Sakura's eyes were flashing. Shikamaru noted absentmindedly how vivid her eyes were before remembering his fuming wife was still addressing him. "I'm _pregnant._"

Shikamaru winced. Suddenly, she didn't seem too happy about it.

"I can't just go around asking or looking for tampons. I'm pregnant, so naturally I don't need them."

Shikamaru sighed. He got it. "Fine, I'll find them for you."

"No." Sakura crossed her arms and looked at him expectantly. "They probably have the number and sizes documented and everything around here. If you just took some, they'd find out and it'll potentially cause a fiasco."

Sizes? Shuddering, Shikamaru decided he didn't want to know. Sakura was right. Of course, he could see it coming a mile away. Sakura would not start something like this unless she had worked out all the knots from all the angles. She probably thought of every way in which she could attain a supply of tampons, refuting all of them as possibilities, before she went to him. Which meant…

"I need you to go buy some for me, _dear_. I'll tell you what brand, what scent, and everything. You just have to make sure you don't get recognized."

Shikamaru looked at Sakura with a grudging hint of respect.

And they called _him_ a genius.

* * *

Snapping back from his thoughts, he returned his focus back to the offending items on the store shelf. He was being inefficient. Glaring at them would obviously not get the job done. Looking miffed, Shikamaru sighed and scanned the bright packages for what Sakura requested. When he matched up all the criteria she had listed (Playtex Gentle Glide, fresh scent deodorant, super plus absorbency, overnight protection—the one in a pastel pink, she had insisted), he swiftly grabbed a package, wondering why in the world these things were packaged in such blatantly bright colors, and made his way to the checkout line. Luckily, he had traveled to the neighboring village (no one could fault Shikamaru for being incautious), and the store he selected was small with few customers. He paid the cashier, catching but ignoring the knowing look on her face and the small smile on her lips, and dashed back to the mansion with such stealth and speed it would make Sakura proud.

Of course, Sakura was not likely to be proud. But, you had to cut the guy some slack.

He slipped back into their room to find an eerily calm Sakura, reading a novel. She looked up to him and smiled.

"That was quick."

One eyebrow shot up. "I went to the neighboring village."

"So it was quick, considering how far you traveled."

He scowled. "How did you know where I went?"

Sakura shrugged. "Just figured you'd be your usual cautious self."

Shikamaru wondered vaguely when Sakura started to analyze his behavior. Was he that easy to figure out? Digging in his jacket pocket, he handed the package to Sakura. "Here."

Sakura took the package and promptly dropped her smile. "Oh."

Shikamaru decided he didn't want to hear the rest of what she was about to say.

"You bought the powder pink one."

Shikamaru suppressed a groan. "You mean there is _another_ pink one? Is there even a difference?"

"Of course! The powder pink has the regular fresh scent deodorant, and the pastel pink has the _springtime delight _fresh scent deodorant. I used to use the regular fresh scent deodorant pads, but one time the springtime delight was on sale and I tried it. Once you've tried springtime delight, you can never go back." Sakura nodded to herself, speaking with such a serious tone Shikamaru didn't know whether or not he should laugh or run himself against a wall.

"Oh well," Sakura wrapped the package back into the bag and tucked it into her traveling bag. Discussion was over, Sakura decided.

Shikamaru eyed Sakura wearily. He half expected her to tell him to turn around and fetch her the proper tampons. Instead, she returned to the bed and resumed reading. She was being awfully reasonable. Like the Sakura before the whole mission started.

Which meant…

"Sakura, you _are_ on your period, right?" It wasn't a question a male genius would usually ask a temperamental female, but he needed to straighten the record.

She looked up briefly before calmly returning to her book. "Of course, why would I lie?"

Shikamaru could think of a million reasons, but decided to keep quiet. He sighed. "Look, I know it's not your top choice, but in time to need, just use what you can get."

"Do you think I'm some spoiled kunoichi, Shikamaru?"

Sakura had such a gentle and _honest_ expression on, Shikamaru found himself caught off guard again.

"No. I didn't mean to put it that way."

"Hmm." Sakura was looking at him like she was trying to figure out how to deal with a small child. "I know. But don't worry, I've got the whole thing under control. Of course I appreciate your efforts. But I was serious when I said once you've had springtime delight, you cannot go back." She got off the bed again and shuffled in her bag. She turned back to Shikamaru with two things, one in each of her hands.

He felt weariness like never before.

"This, is what you bought." She shoved a tampon (still in its individual packaging, thank God) under his nose. Shikamaru fought the urge to shriek and lean away (he had to hold his lazy composure, after all). "And this," Sakura said happily as she pushed her other hand under his nose, "is _springtime _delight. Smell the difference?"

To his credit, and horror, he did.

Sakura held the two closely together now. "See, and there is a difference in color packaging. Gee Shikamaru, I don't even use these things. I saw them on the shelf once and remembered the difference. You're one of our _elites_, how could you have missed it?"

Shikamaru didn't feel like pointing out that there really was no difference other than the fact the pastel pink packing was perhaps a tenth of a hue lighter. But she had just complimented him...although it sounded like an insult...probably was an insult...but-

"Wait," Shikamaru said suddenly. "Why do you have that? I thought you said you didn't have any, and that's why you needed me to get some."

"I didn't. I just happened to run into Kisako san after you left and told her of my situation. She said it wasn't a problem. _And _she got me what I wanted without me having to tell her. Everyone agrees springtime delight is better." Sakura grinned.

Shikamaru slapped his hand on his forehead. The woman was going to kill him, one day, possibly soon. "You didn't already ask Kisako san before you came to me?"

"Why would you assume that? You're my partner. If I run into problems, I go to you first."

Sakura was looking at him with her huge sparkling eyes, as if daring him to retort.

Sakura _really was _a genius.

And Shikamaru decided he _did_ have a relatively decent sized heart. Looking at his wife and the way she was not so subtly grinning at him, he realized he wasn't even mad at her for the stunt she pulled.

He sighed. Why was having decent sized hearts so troublesome?

* * *

-tbc

and if this was witty enough for you, please leave me a witty review and we can be witty together (I admit it, I just like using that word).


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